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She waits, hot weather will come.
Sitting in Meeting for Worship, I ask, " Am I becoming fixed in stone or am I still warming to life? What does God ask of me?"
Post Meeting Reflection
During the silence of worship this morning, someone gave a message about starting to work with special needs children in the fourth grade. He had gone expecting that the children would be severely challenged. What he found was that each child is an individual, with talents, skills and sensitivity. He learned that the children will be his teachers.
My learning was similar. When I went to work as a chaplain with special needs adults, I learned that the challenged are my spiritual teachers. I had not wanted to take on new work because I found making professional transitions to be difficult. A window closes and a new window may or may not be evident, and may or may not be open. I rather remain where I was already planted. These feelings occurred when I went to the chaplaincy position.
I was working in rural Iowa for In-home Hospice and I loved my work, certainly didn't have any wish to leave. Yet people kept telling me about a new chaplaincy position that was opening and they though that the job was made for me. I would be working with adults living with special needs who lived in cottages on a campus. I ignored their messages. I loved my work with Hospice and didn't see any reason to change. After several months, I was surprised to learn that the position was still opened and again I was urged to apply.
"Could I be turning a deaf ear to a leading? Maybe I'm being led by the Holy One and I haven't wanted to pay attention because I love my job." I called and made an appointment to visit. It was after working hours and the clients had gone home. The assistant director was the one who answered the phone and urged me to come on over then. I did. It felt like I was being interviewed as he showed me around and took me into a cottage. It felt like I already had the position.
A few days later I was asked to come to a formal interviewing process of four hours. The night before the appointment, I stayed in a motel. I still did not want to make a professional change. I was angry at God. "Why are you leading me here? You have blessed my work with Hospice and I want to stay there. Why, dear Lord?" I promptly fell asleep.
When I awoke in the morning, there was an answer. "Because I want you to grow fully in my love," God's message left in my heart.
I can't say No to God's love for me, I thought. The position was offered to me and I accepted. After four years I left this special work for heath reasons. Later I was to be diagnosed with Parkinson's.
The Lord's message is still on my heart, although I don't always remember. This morning's Worship again brought the message home to me.
What does the Holy One ask of me?
TO LIVE FULLY IN GOD'S LOVE.
This message is what keeps me going, willing to change, and wanting to continue to live, finding joy, meaning and blessing in each day. The people I worked with who were dying and the individuals who were living with special needs remain my teachers and spiritual mentors as I live with chronic and debilitating illness. I too, walk the journey with my Beloved Jesus. Someday I will be called Home. May each day be a blessing day.
