Confluence of Tough Times and Hope, THIS WEEK'S QUERY

Tough times for me, the Parkinson's progresses and I wonder how I am to continue sharing God's healing love with others when I have become so restricted in where and what I can do?

Tough times for all the world. I watch the festivities of our whole country as we prepare to inaugurate our 44th President. The people say that in celebrating, in coming together as a diverse community, we find hope to go on. How do we go forth from here, when so many are without shelter, jobs or health care and so many more are to be made naked?

Tough times and someone points to the top the crucifix and asks, "What do those letters mean." I am surprised as the conversation opens. Our little group of four Quakers is gathered in a Catholic meditation room and we are at the beginning of Meeting for Worship. I answer that it goes to the conversation of Pontius Pilot when Jesus is declared "King of the Jews." We talk about Jesus and Paul and the other followers of Jesus as being Jewish and not intending to start a new religion. We ponder the meaning of Messiah and what it means to the Jewish world, then and now? We reflect on passages from Isaiah. My Jewish Friend says we will know when the Messiah comes because the second temple will be rebuilt, in other words, he says, there will be a building up, not a tearing down. I ponder the meaning of hope in times of great turmoil?

Tough times and our beginning Worship reading is written by O Theodore Benfey, 1986. "When we, with our limited human intellect, see only more calamity, death, and destruction in our personal, community, or national life, when all we have lived and attempted to leads to nowhere, turns to dust and ashes, and the future looks hopelessly bleak, Pentecost tells us that the bleakness is of our own imagining, that our intellect and our fears blind us to deeper layers of reality." Turning to John Woolman we are reminded "to turn all that we possess into channels of universal love." Benfey prays that our hearts may be "filled with God's hope, the faith and the love that will prepare us spiritually, mentally, and physically for the tasks yet unknown or only dimly sensed, in a world which when looked at objectively seems quite doomed, with no sign of redemption or improvement. And may we have the courage to take on the tasks chosen for us and to carry them out in God's companionship and service. [p. 18, Daily Readings from Quaker Writings Ancient & Modern. Edited by Linda Hill Renfer, 1988, Serenity Press, Oregon.] I ponder the guidance each of is to be given and once again wonder how can this be for me who has become so restricted in the movement outside of home and now even with whether there is enough dopamine to allow me stand and walk inside my home?

Tough times and it is in the afternoon and a Stephen's Minister comes to visit. Again I am surprised by the opening and guidance we are given. We speak of Paul of the New Testament. I talk about how Paul was open to allowing gentiles to become Jewish and how he was less restrictive than Peter, who would require the gentile men to be circumcised. Paul, I say had the strength to follow the leadings he received, even to be imprisoned. My visitor asks me to stop and consider Paul as he was imprisoned in the house. His imprisonment, is like your being imprisoned in your body, how was Paul able to carry out Jesus' message of hope? and what might this mean for you? We talk about my two writing projects and how important they are in sharing God's words of hope for healing and for finding ways to live peaceably in tough times. I tell my visitor that during morning worship I was thinking about the writings I am to share with the world and even further, how my knitting may be of service to keep me on task. I love to knit, but I allow it to become all consuming, leaving no time for the work that God calls me to complete. During the Silence of morning worship, I thought about how I might bring the knitting to the writing by knitting the images of God's spirit of love, healing and peace as I am led. Tough times, living in the growing imprisonment of my own body, I ponder my sense of God's love and Jesus' presence with me. What is to happen next, I wonder?

Tough times, I receive a phone call from two friends living in Maine. It is early evening and the sun has set. They ask how I am doing and instead of minimizing the struggle I am experiencing, I tell them how it is. Later in the conversation my friends talk about the emergency landing of the Airbus in the Hudson River. One tells how she thinks of the event as an allegory for our times. She says that Bush's policies and actions are being sucked and shredded into the turbos while the hope Obama brings is the skill of guiding the plane to a safe landing where no one is lost. Ah, yes, the guidance we are to receive to make a safe landing, even in the face of death. May I remember this picture my friend has painted.

This week's Query: What is your sense of being personally guided in these troubled times?

Let's have a conversation, a forum, through the Comment feature.

Blessings,

Judy

Spring Reflections and To Live Fully in God's Love

"Hidden Face, Capitol Reef National Park, Utah, photographed and copyrighted by Judy Brutz, 2008."

While studying the photograph I suddenly saw her face.

She waits, hot weather will come.

Spring leaves

wave to the figures

carved in stone.

"Petroglyphs" photographed and copyrighted

by Judy Brutz, 2008, Capitol Reef, Utah.

Sitting in Meeting for Worship, I ask, " Am I becoming fixed in stone or am I still warming to life? What does God ask of me?"

Post Meeting Reflection

During the silence of worship this morning, someone gave a message about starting to work with special needs children in the fourth grade. He had gone expecting that the children would be severely challenged. What he found was that each child is an individual, with talents, skills and sensitivity. He learned that the children will be his teachers.

My learning was similar. When I went to work as a chaplain with special needs adults, I learned that the challenged are my spiritual teachers. I had not wanted to take on new work because I found making professional transitions to be difficult. A window closes and a new window may or may not be evident, and may or may not be open. I rather remain where I was already planted. These feelings occurred when I went to the chaplaincy position.

I was working in rural Iowa for In-home Hospice and I loved my work, certainly didn't have any wish to leave. Yet people kept telling me about a new chaplaincy position that was opening and they though that the job was made for me. I would be working with adults living with special needs who lived in cottages on a campus. I ignored their messages. I loved my work with Hospice and didn't see any reason to change. After several months, I was surprised to learn that the position was still opened and again I was urged to apply.

"Could I be turning a deaf ear to a leading? Maybe I'm being led by the Holy One and I haven't wanted to pay attention because I love my job." I called and made an appointment to visit. It was after working hours and the clients had gone home. The assistant director was the one who answered the phone and urged me to come on over then. I did. It felt like I was being interviewed as he showed me around and took me into a cottage. It felt like I already had the position.

A few days later I was asked to come to a formal interviewing process of four hours. The night before the appointment, I stayed in a motel. I still did not want to make a professional change. I was angry at God. "Why are you leading me here? You have blessed my work with Hospice and I want to stay there. Why, dear Lord?" I promptly fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning, there was an answer. "Because I want you to grow fully in my love," God's message left in my heart.

I can't say No to God's love for me, I thought. The position was offered to me and I accepted. After four years I left this special work for heath reasons. Later I was to be diagnosed with Parkinson's.

The Lord's message is still on my heart, although I don't always remember. This morning's Worship again brought the message home to me.

What does the Holy One ask of me?

TO LIVE FULLY IN GOD'S LOVE.

This message is what keeps me going, willing to change, and wanting to continue to live, finding joy, meaning and blessing in each day. The people I worked with who were dying and the individuals who were living with special needs remain my teachers and spiritual mentors as I live with chronic and debilitating illness. I too, walk the journey with my Beloved Jesus. Someday I will be called Home. May each day be a blessing day.