Transcience or Permanence

Fading
yet returning
red poppies

Spring Reflections and To Live Fully in God's Love

"Hidden Face, Capitol Reef National Park, Utah, photographed and copyrighted by Judy Brutz, 2008."

While studying the photograph I suddenly saw her face.

She waits, hot weather will come.

Spring leaves

wave to the figures

carved in stone.

"Petroglyphs" photographed and copyrighted

by Judy Brutz, 2008, Capitol Reef, Utah.

Sitting in Meeting for Worship, I ask, " Am I becoming fixed in stone or am I still warming to life? What does God ask of me?"

Post Meeting Reflection

During the silence of worship this morning, someone gave a message about starting to work with special needs children in the fourth grade. He had gone expecting that the children would be severely challenged. What he found was that each child is an individual, with talents, skills and sensitivity. He learned that the children will be his teachers.

My learning was similar. When I went to work as a chaplain with special needs adults, I learned that the challenged are my spiritual teachers. I had not wanted to take on new work because I found making professional transitions to be difficult. A window closes and a new window may or may not be evident, and may or may not be open. I rather remain where I was already planted. These feelings occurred when I went to the chaplaincy position.

I was working in rural Iowa for In-home Hospice and I loved my work, certainly didn't have any wish to leave. Yet people kept telling me about a new chaplaincy position that was opening and they though that the job was made for me. I would be working with adults living with special needs who lived in cottages on a campus. I ignored their messages. I loved my work with Hospice and didn't see any reason to change. After several months, I was surprised to learn that the position was still opened and again I was urged to apply.

"Could I be turning a deaf ear to a leading? Maybe I'm being led by the Holy One and I haven't wanted to pay attention because I love my job." I called and made an appointment to visit. It was after working hours and the clients had gone home. The assistant director was the one who answered the phone and urged me to come on over then. I did. It felt like I was being interviewed as he showed me around and took me into a cottage. It felt like I already had the position.

A few days later I was asked to come to a formal interviewing process of four hours. The night before the appointment, I stayed in a motel. I still did not want to make a professional change. I was angry at God. "Why are you leading me here? You have blessed my work with Hospice and I want to stay there. Why, dear Lord?" I promptly fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning, there was an answer. "Because I want you to grow fully in my love," God's message left in my heart.

I can't say No to God's love for me, I thought. The position was offered to me and I accepted. After four years I left this special work for heath reasons. Later I was to be diagnosed with Parkinson's.

The Lord's message is still on my heart, although I don't always remember. This morning's Worship again brought the message home to me.

What does the Holy One ask of me?

TO LIVE FULLY IN GOD'S LOVE.

This message is what keeps me going, willing to change, and wanting to continue to live, finding joy, meaning and blessing in each day. The people I worked with who were dying and the individuals who were living with special needs remain my teachers and spiritual mentors as I live with chronic and debilitating illness. I too, walk the journey with my Beloved Jesus. Someday I will be called Home. May each day be a blessing day.

Late Spring

The ancient one opens leaves in frost and sun.

Celebrating better health and good news from the medical folk, late spring finds me in Capitol Reef National Park, Utah. David and I join Quakers from the Utah Fellowship of Friends for a long weekend. It is late April and the night temperatures drop, even destroying the apricot crop. The days are in the 40s or 50s and windy. We hike in the morning. Afternoon we share news. Then glories, luscious potluck dishes and singing. Night comes on and the full moon rises over reefs.

This ancient tree captures my attention. How old is it? Surely it is more than one hundred years. It was probably here before the pioneers settled in this valley in the 1800s. Their fruit orchards still stand and are well attended. The apricots were lost this year when the temperatures dipped to twenty-three degrees two days before we arrived.

What lessons are there for me this late April?

New growth

my hope embraces

the mysteries

of the ancient one.

Good news, congestive heart failure is ruled out and the echocardiogram shows that my heart has strengthened in the last fourteen months. It is Parkinson's. my spiritual mentor at play. The diaphragm muscles are affected and I go into shallow breathing yet The Holy One who created us all, also created an incredible brain that can make new circuits. Are we open to learning to follow inner guidance, even when the specialists think that there is nothing to be done? Research show that the brain is able to develop new paths. In this case, it is the C Pap machine which is developing the new path to regular, normal deep breathing.

Alleluia.

Gnarled beauty continues

bringing joy

and blessings.